ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
