i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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