Christians are straight up FREAKS
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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