I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
