I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
