I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
