i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
