I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
