Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
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