I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
