he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
