you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
