did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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