I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
