I seem to have left my pride at pride
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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