the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
