I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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