my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
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While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
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Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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