sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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