So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
