You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
