is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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