you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
