I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize