When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
