Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
is this the sara with the beer cane?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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