I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
