i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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