i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
