I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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