Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
