Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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