so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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