Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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