I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think I sprained my soul last night
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
