theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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