So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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