There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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