I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
