I cockslap morals
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
