I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
