I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
