Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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