There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
