we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
