The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
