I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
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I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
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That accounts for only three of the penises
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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