When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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