bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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