The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
