he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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