I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
