Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
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Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
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There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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