normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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