I can tuck mytits in my pants
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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