im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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