Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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