The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
