In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
