He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize