It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
