Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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