Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
